Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

My, my, my.  How long ago it has been since I’ve last ventured here, how long ago since I’ve last ventured here bearing an original thought.

Maybe it’s maturity, maybe it’s growing out of a fad, maybe it’s finding inner peace with myself; whatever it is, it has made me stop blogging.  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  I still think longingly to write upon entombed walls, and I still scour my mind for something to write with. Again, that acursed something!  That unknowable, anonymous word that plagues the meanderings of my thoughts.  After years of maturing, of growing up, of finding inner peace with myself, I can never find that concrete something that I always happen to be looking for.

Strangely enough, even to me, I feel myself falling off that radical feminism, that loud feminism, that raucous and blaring and shut-the-fuck-up-misogynist feminism. Please, I’m still a girl lover, equalist, and crazy feminist at heart, but that phase of hopeful “fuck yeah I’m a girl” has gone away.  Yet at the same time, I find myself quietly questioning and enjoying the happenings in my life. Maybe the falling out of blogging has to do with an assured identity.  Have I found myself? Have I become who I’m meant to be? Have I finally overcome those psychological, emotional obstacles that tear at my heart? Seldom do I lay awake at night wondering about my identity, myself, nor do I think about the past.  In a way that I really cannot explain, I feel so much more at peace with myself, as if I’ve made amends to some demon hidden deep inside.

To be honest I have no idea where this is going, I jsut wanted to say -again- something, anything that would fill this space up.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this blog, but I don’t want it to end this way.  I imagined a bang.  A wistful goodbye.  Something recounting my growing up and changing into a fuller, brighter, cooler person (at least in my point of view).